Help Hope Forgiveness Love

30 days. That’s how long my father was in rehab. 60 days. That’s how long he was alcohol free. Another 60 days later, he was lying in a hospital bed surrounded by loved ones drawing his final breath. Addiction is uncharted for every passenger, family and addict alike. Being the child of an addict and growing up around normalized addictive behavior is anything but normal but those who have been close to it will know that it happens more often than most realize.

The addiction and the aftermath I witnessed as a child has had untold consequences on so many aspects of my life. I’ve tried to isolate those experiences and redirect them towards positive outcomes but it’s not always so easy. Fearing that the cycle may repeat or seeing addictive aspects manifest themselves in my own personality really help illustrate the multifaceted complexities of addiction and how it functions.

Addiction is never a solitary experience. It unfolds its influence on anyone around it, from an innocent bystander to an engaged family member. How we choose to interact with addiction as witnesses is just as important as how the addict chooses to interact as well. Our outside support can make all the difference and understanding how it can be helpful or hurtful is unique to each individual situation.

One of my biggest regrets is listening to the blanket advice from those who helped my father during his time in rehab. Tough love. This was their solution if my dad had a relapse. All my father knew was tough love, his entire life. To us, we were listening to professionals. To him, we were giving up. While my mother and I have no fault in following the directions and suggestions of professionals, it’s hard to trust your gut in the moment when you know that an act of forgiveness could’ve saved a life.

18 years. That’s how long it’s been since I lost my father to addiction. 18 years of thinking about how we could’ve done things differently. How we could’ve helped him more. Coming to realize it’s not our fault. And it wasn’t his either. Addiction is a beast best slayed with help, hope, forgiveness and love. I encourage everyone to come together during this month of Mental Health Awareness and support those you may know who are struggling with alcoholism and show them we can overcome addiction together.